And if you decide to work things out with the one who strayed, the path forward is rarely clear or simple.
My Spouse Cheated. Here's Why I Didn't Leave.
Well-meaning friends and family may pressure you to break up with your S. This is key: Choose what will bring you satisfaction, not what will please your partner. But be realistic. Cohen recommends journaling or talking to a therapist to help process your emotions about the situation. Looking inward, she adds, is the key to letting go. But oversharing can be counterproductive when it comes to relationship issues. Jones suggests being assertive when you explain your decision to your friends and family. Either way, our marriage couldn't survive this. I was sure of it. Life continued to be a roller coaster of crazy highs and numbing lows.
Things a Woman Should Do If Her Husband Is Cheating
We had a few months of what is euphemistically called " hysterical bonding ," which is frequent, intense, and wild lovemaking. It's surprisingly common in couples dealing with infidelity, though it can generate some shame. After all, this guy just broke your heart and now you can't get enough of him? Eventually, our sex life stopped altogether. The intimacy felt like too much.
I swung wildly between knowing it was over and hoping it wasn't. And I tried to become comfortable with that uncertainty. As I tried to heal, I watched my husband do the painful work of excavating decades of grief, facing down long-repressed abuse, and repeatedly showing up to support me in my own pain.
I began to feel things for him I hadn't imagined I ever could again: respect, compassion, love. It took a long time, which is another thing nobody tells you about infidelity: It can take years to get through. Two to five, the experts say , though two is overly optimistic, in my opinion. So here I am. More than a decade later, in a "second marriage with my first husband," as psychotherapist Esther Perel quaintly puts it.
We're happy. Our marriage feels rich and deep and fun, for the most part. Like any longtime married couple , we have our problems. My husband, for instance, still tends to compartmentalize difficult feelings, while I prefer to put them under a microscope.
We're a work in progress. But what I've learned is, there are many more responses to infidelity than we're led to believe. Women who leave aren't necessarily any stronger than women who stay.
Simply remaining upright when dealing with such betrayal is a hero's work. End of story. There's a saying on Betrayed Wives Club , the website I created to help me heal from my husband's infidelity: "My heartbreak, my rules. You get to make your own choices based on yours. Elle Grant is the pseudonym of a journalist and author of Encyclopedia for the Betrayed , and creator of Betrayed Wives Club. All Rights Reserved. Open side menu button. My Spouse Cheated. Here's Why I Didn't Leave. By Elle Grant April 19, But let me tell you something: I'm just as surprised by that as anyone.
She may not be cheating but, what if she is?
Read This Next. My Dad's Having an Affair. Should I Confront Him? That and other pressing questions for Best Life 's resident psychologist. Latest News. We'll never let go.
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Get that boombox ready. Get 15 percent off Dashing Diva's adorable Halloween nails with this exclusive discount code. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs.
5 Things You Shouldnt Do If Hes Cheating on You
Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. Is She Cheating? Top Searches on. Share this article :.
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